Host: Good morning, listeners! Today in the studio we have… a publisher. His name is Mr. Smith, but we can call him “The Voice of Rejections.” Hello!
Publisher: Hello, and thank you for having me… before you give up listening.
Host: Let’s start with the question that haunts us all. How do you decide whom to publish?
Publisher: Very simple. First, we ask ourselves: “Do we know this person?”
If the answer is “No” – rejection. Being a friend of our friends is equivalent to a literary talisman.
Host: Ah… so talent isn’t important?
Publisher: Talent is nice, of course… for desk decoration.
The real magic is connections. If you have a brother who once met the editor at a cocktail party, you have a chance. If you have a LinkedIn contact, you have an even better chance.
Host: So you really publish people who have connections… not necessarily great writing?
Publisher: Exactly. Think of it as a club. Entry isn’t based on quality, it’s based on membership.
Your manuscript could be a masterpiece, but if you’re not a friend of our friends, we won’t even open it.
Host: How do authors react to your rejections?
Publisher: With great elegance — or at least, that’s what they think.
We send out the classic templates:
“Your manuscript does not fit our catalog.”
Translation: You’re not in the club.
“Thank you for your interest.”
Translation: Please go away.
“We look forward to your future projects.”
Translation: We’ll ignore you again, but at least we sound diplomatic.
Host: Is there any chance a new talent could “break through” without connections?
Publisher: Maybe… if the world suddenly stops existing and we move to another planet.
In reality – the chances are about zero, with a slight negative slope.
Host: So your rejections are actually… theater?
Publisher: Absolutely!
They’re a short, comedic scene in which the author is the main character, and we are the secret, invisible audience, applauding only our friends.
Host: Finally – what advice do you have for aspiring authors?
Publisher: Simple formula: become a friend of our friends. After that, you can work on your talent. But only if you have time.
Host: Well, listeners, it’s clear that the publishing world is… more comical than we thought. Thank you, Mr. Smith.
Publisher: Thank you! And remember – if you’re not a friend of our friends… there’s always another club.